Thursday, May 04, 2006

Bad Timing

Okay, I'm stuck. I've studied with a girl in my Heat Transfer class for the last two tests now, and I really like her, and I think she might like me. But she leaves for home (overseas) for good in two weeks. And we've had our last test in that class now, so I won't have any more guaranteed chances to see her, except for just going over to her room. If I put it all on the table now and she just doesn't feel that way, well, nothing lost right, I'll never see her again. But if I put it all on the table and she does feel that way, well that's almost worse, because what do you do with the last two weeks? And if I don't say anything ever, well she goes home and I get to wonder for the rest of my life. And perhaps, so does she. OR, I could tell her the last day, right as she's moving out. In that case, there's really nothing lost if she doesn't like me. But if she's head-over-heels for me, and I don't tell her until she leaves... That'd be terrible.
I've made up my mind to tell her, one way or another. "not telling her" is off the list, but so far, it's the only one off. I almost feel that it's unfair to her, to have unresolved feelings with someone overseas when she's trying to go home and finish college there. But if there's a chance that she does like me, and I never say anything, then it would be unfair not to say anything, because she'd have to go on with her life wondering and going through her "what-ifs"
It's funny, even if it was "meant to be", I don't think anyone could be so sure that they could start an very long distance relationship with someone overseas. Even if I do get rich, what, do I just fly over there every so often?
The whole situation pisses me off, that I like her. Couldn't be worse timing. It's funny how it just happens, we don't really have much control over who we like, liking people just happens.

In other news, today sucked. Last Heat Transfer test was today, and then RHA stuff, and today was just depressing. More depressing than any day for a while. I finished up 2 classes today, and got alot done, but...phew. I don't even know what I want anymore. Summer sounds like a nice idea, but I've been in college forever. This semester makes 4 years even, and I'm going 4 & 1/2. So one more.
I told my friend on IM that this semester, but today especially, severly blurred the line between "panic attack" and "just a really bad day."
But I've been pretty good in retrospect. This has been a good week, regardless of how I feel about it.

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