Women Are Not My Specialty

Once in a while, you just get really confused about women. This is one of those times.
Ran into one of my ex's at the wedding this weekend, she came with her family, and really surprised me, caught me off guard. It made me sad to see this community, down in Coffeyville, and how close they are were, and how I had my chance to become a part of it, and I gave it up for a reason that, from the outside seems really stupid - differences in faith. There's er, I'll just have to count them in order. My first ex who I ran into last fall and am still trying to exchange e-mails with. After months of silence, I sent her another one, casual and conversational, just to break the silence and, just to hear her again. So clearly I'm not over that one yet, not completely. I was, and then she showed up again. She seems pretty over me, at least, now she does. She's Catholic though, so if she wanted to start something, I wouldn't have to second guess myself there.
And then the second one, the most serious relationship, I still talk to her. About every other night. For usually about 2 hours. Turns out we're best friends now, funny how that works eh? And at then end of the school year, we were at Riverfest and I started falling for her again. I think that's over with, but it's another thought. I broke up with her because of faith differences after about a year. And there's still that bug in the back of my mind, if I wouldn't be such a hardass about inter-faith relationships, there's no reason we couldn't date again.
And on to three, the one at the wedding. I just love Coffeyville so much, I want to be a part of that community, all the people there are great. Same reason with her, like above, interfaith relationship. And again, if I wanted to soften my stance and go in guns-a-blazin, I'll be I could get her back.
And moving onto recently, another girl who actually was Catholic, who I went to high school with. Hung out with her for a week, then it looked like we were headed for dating. But then her recently ended previous relationship/engagement got to her, and she's says she's out of the dating scene for a good while now. That always makes you wonder, thats a good excuse to get out of a relationship you don't want, just say you don't feel like dating anyone, softens the blow. Makes me think that maybe she's not so averse to dating, just me. And that's not fair, it's just what goes thourgh my mind. But she's younger than me by a few years, and then I wonder if she's going to get over this last relationship sooner than she thinks and is going to want to try something with me again. So it's not so closed door that I can just forget about her and move on with my life. Add her to my list of ex's that I'm not over with, even though I'm not quite an ex with her. Still feels like it.
That's 4 girls, and no realistic chances with any of them. And with the wedding this weekend, the bride and groom, two other friends who are well on their way to marriage, and myself were my group of friends back in my old dorms. That does get to me sometimes, of those five people, I'm the only one with no realistic forseeable future prospects. I'm starting to feel like, it's about time for me to find that right girl and start thinking about the rest of my life. I am 22, and even old classmates 2-3 years younger starting to get married and have kids. But then I think "Marriage? Me? Ha!" Pardon me while I laugh satirically.
And then, I don't think I have high standards, but I've always been completely against the interfaith marriage thing ever since I started dating seriously. But that's not the Church's stance, lots of good, pious Catholics marry good non-Catholic people and have long, happy marriages, even despite the statistics. And I'm not just playing with numbers here, I can't see marrying a girl with whom I can't fully share my faith. Every Sunday either I'd go to church alone and wish I didn't have to, or walk out of church every week arguing with my wife about everything Catholics believe and she doesn't agree with. I can't see any reason to soften my stance, when I think about changing it, I just think about that scenario, and being with some girl who'll never understand what I believe. But then, I gave up two really great girls because of my standards. Both girls with which I probably would have gotten more serious if not for my precious values. And on one hand, I can think that "boy, when I do find that right girl, she's sure gonna be great because she'll be such a great Catholic." And on the other hand "Well here I am, 37 and still single because I set my standards too fucking high and drove away a bunch of really great girls, any of which I could have settled down with.
I don't have many really pious Catholic friends, the best one I know, the one I really look up to, is going to Japan in a month, and then I'll be like Rambo, just some lone man defending his standards amongst droves of friends who can't help me because they're not like that.
I think the Riverfest infatiation with the second one was in part the result of some emotional insanity from being away from women for so long, that I'm immediately attracted to the first one I can get close to. And that's a bad situation to be in, because when I do get back into dating, I'm going to take whatever I can get and fall into a pit of passive-agressive codependancy again.
So I'm really in two dilemmas, I want to start dating again because I just miss it, I miss being able to trust someone with everything, and be trusted like that. But more than that, I'm starting to feel like I want someone to consider a "rest-of-our-lives, happily-ever-after" relationship with. And then there's just being single, and the feeling that women bring nothing but problems and misery, and that being alone isn't as bad as I make it out to be. Because, when you're alone, you're at worst, lonely. But when your dating, you can be manipulated in hundreds of different ways without even knowing it, and abused, taken advantage of, and just plain screwed. The worst lonliness for me has never been as bad as the worst dating situation.
Well, I don't really want anwsers, or to be understood, I just wanted to get that all out there. When I feel strongly about something like this, I can't just let go of it until I get it out. This doesn't change anything, but at least I have a small written record of my insanity to reference incase I ever decide to figure any of this out.